


don't let me speak my mind

by avocadoapocalypse



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: M/M, angst prompt from tumblr, basically i make the boys fight and i did not proofread it, but i might write something real with this concept as a separate fic, except... I don't write angst... well, have this, just a shitty oneshot for now, say another word and i'll leave, so i mean... here, we'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:48:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23195797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avocadoapocalypse/pseuds/avocadoapocalypse
Summary: Boris and Theo argue. Theo says some things he wishes he hadn't, but maybe they were things that needed to be said.
Relationships: Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky
Comments: 1
Kudos: 45





	don't let me speak my mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pissmints](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pissmints/gifts).



> This is for a tumblr angst prompt "I swear, if you say another word, I’ll leave." (https://avocadoapocalypse.tumblr.com/post/612860866087583744/prompts-list) < send me more prompts!

“I swear, if you say another word, I’ll leave.” 

“Potter, you know as well as I do, you can’t leave. Whole city is quarantined! Besides, this is your apartment. Where else would you go? Do you suddenly have friends who aren’t me, blondie, or old people?”

Theo had to take a moment to remind himself that he and Boris are adults now and adults generally don’t settle disagreements by punching someone. He took a deep breath to steady himself and spoke. “Boris. Go stand in the corner then! You’re right, it’s my apartment! I don’t know why I’m letting you stay!” 

The argument had been about something stupid, they always were. He and Boris weren’t very well versed in healthy communication, and they made up for it with constant arguing. Talking about feelings is gay! Punching a wall, now, that’s manly and well adjusted. Theo realized he was probably on his way to becoming his father. He had certainly mastered the lying. So maybe Boris had a point! That didn’t mean it didn’t piss Theo off that he’d said it. These were going to be a long three weeks.

Boris’ voice came from across the room. “Can I talk now?” he said to the wall. 

“Fine.” Theo grunted. He sat on the couch and took a deep breath. It wasn't even a very good couch. Plain green upholstery, it had no significant history, not an antique but bought off craigslist to fill the space. The urge to punch Boris hadn’t quite faded, but it had receded to manageable levels. “What do you have to say?”

“Only this: when we were kids, I looked up to your father! For all his faults, he looked like a rich, successful man compared to my own father, he taught me how to dress, he never cared about what we got up to. Yes, he was dishonest, but what man isn’t? You cannot tell me you have never lied, Potter, I know that you have. But maybe is not such a bad thing to become your father! My father, he was a drunk, violent, hurt everyone he loved. I try not to be like him, but you can tell I’m not succeeding so well.” Boris fell silent. 

Theo took a moment to absorb his words and compose a response. “Boris. You aren’t your father. He was a fucking piece of shit. Yeah, maybe you can be an asshole sometimes, and maybe we should both cut back on the vodka a bit, but don’t ever say you’re no better than him.” 

What Theo didn’t say was how after he left Vegas, Xandra called him on the phone. She practically told him he was no better than his father, and compared her relationship with Larry to Theo and Boris. Theo had hung up on her.

Boris sighed and turned to face Theo. His eyes were oddly shiny in the lamplight. “Still. I cannot help it! I hurt the ones I love most. I’m still doing it, even now.”

Ok. Boris was maybe tearing up. Theo decided to ignore that and push on. “Remember when he hit you and you got all those cuts on your face? And I tried to clean the wounds with vodka?”

“And then I punched you in face. You are only proving my point!”  
“Yeah, but afterwards when I got really drunk, you wouldn’t let me drown myself in the pool. You never hurt me in any way that mattered because you still went out of your way to keep me from ending my miserable life, even when I was at my lowest. We hurt each other a lot back then, but if it weren’t for you...” He trailed off, realizing the implications of Boris’ previous statement. 

“Trust me, I needed you as much as you needed me! That’s why I told you to come work for me!”

“I can’t come be part of an international drug smuggling ring, Boris! I can’t abandon Hobie and the shop just because you came to visit and want to relive our teenage years! Yeah, I’m probably still a drug addict, but at least I have a job that isn’t selling crack! I’m engaged to be married!” 

“Hmm… I thought you said that was more or less called off… ice princess never really seemed like your type anyways”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, BORIS! IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT I LOVE YOU!” 

“...”

Theo realized what he had said and immediately got up to leave. Frantically pulling on his shoes, he opened the door and sprinted down the stairs out of the apartment building. There was no redeeming himself from that. 

Only when he got outside and the cold March air pressed against his flaming face did Theo realize how ridiculous it had been for him to run out like that. Any outburst could be explained with a bit of thought! He could’ve said he meant to say he loved Kitsey, but then again, Boris knew he didn’t love her all that much. He could’ve said he meant Pippa! But Boris seemed to doubt the validity of Theo’s love for her as well. Great, now Boris would make fun of him for being gay forever, even though Boris had always been the more affectionate one in their teens! Fuck that!

Oh God… maybe Theo was gay. He passed a window with a rainbow flag hanging in it and wanted to hide. How come he’d never been able to tell Boris the thing he’d thought ever since Vegas, until the middle of an argument? He should’ve had more self control than this. He should’ve- he could’ve- he noticed his breathing was becoming faster and faster and more labored. Stop. Breathe. He sat down on the sidewalk and tried to calm himself down. It’s not like anyone else was out anyways. 

Theo had finally managed to get his breathing more or less under control when he heard the clack of footsteps on the pavement approaching behind him. 

“Potter?”

**Author's Note:**

> There will be more! I've been wanting to write a quarantine fic like the dumb bitch I am, so here's to disregarding canon timelines. Either that, or these two don't have their shit together by 2020. Still love them tho. Yes, this is a terrible cliffhanger, come yell at me on tumblr @avocadoapocalypse to make me write more :)


End file.
